happy *whatever it means to you* New Year

Last year was a year of recovering for me. It begun when I was torn in pieces, it started with a betrayal. Then I made some stupid decisions, fortunately I didn't do too many stupid things after that :) Thanks God.

Now I feel as wise as wild animal would be :) with wisdom that comes from age and experience. I had to learn things and maybe it was the best way.
Hey world, whatever you did to me, I am still here. Last year was for recovering, and this one will be for being good old myself again.

There are so many things I have not tried :) So many places I have not visited. So many books waiting to be read. So many people I'd love to meet.

Good God, I feel so excited :)

What does it mean to be happy?
For me, it's peace of mind. And to be able to go to the book store, and have enough money to buy every book that I want. Then go home and read, read, read.
Some other ideas? Anybody? Feel invited to share :)

me and Christmas

salams :)

Many muslims believe it is forbidden to participate in any form of non-muslim religious activity.
But I truly love Christmas, not just for religious reasons, well maybe even in spite of any religious reasons. I am not a Christian, and I can't even say Christmas in Polish, because literal meaning is 'Birth of God'.

First of all, celebrating Christmas means being together with my family. I am the only muslim. At times I do feel like a lonely alien. During Christmas Eve supper, I can eat everything- since meat (pork!) is not served, just fish, all halal! This is the only kind of celebration I can fully participate in.

Second -it's part of my culture. In Poland Christmas is a big thing. Well, the biggest thing is Christmas Eve. The most important day of all days. I think only here it is perceived that way. 12 special, traditional dishes, all family members together, and many sweet, heart warming traditions... Like- an additional plate on a table for somebody who is lost and lonely. Because on Christmas Eve whoever knocks at your door is welcomed as a special guest.

Anyway :)
Merry Christmas everybody :)

przyjemność to rzecz mocno względna

W moim starszawym wieku rozmaite doświadczenia sprawiły, że nauczyłam się żyć z przemijalnością. Ludzie, zjawiska, emocje pojawiają się, trwają, a potem- odchodzą. Naturalna kolej rzeczy?
Pewnie i tak... ale to odchodzenie robi na mnie coraz mniejsze wrażenie. Tracę kogoś, odczuwam jakiś rodzaj smutku, ale bardziej zbliżony do nostalgii rodem z fado, niż do poczucia straty czy rozpaczy. Jeśli już płaczę, to skłania mnie do tego raczej sinusoida hormonalna niż inne przyczyny.
Czasem martwi mnie taki stan rzeczy, bo zbyt łatwo przychodzi mi pogodzić się z czyimś odejściem, zbyt łatwo z kogoś potrafię zrezygnować, nawet z kogoś, kto był kimś bardzo bliskim. Trochę to nieludzkie i jak mi się wydaje, jest oznaką braku lgnięcia, i braku nadziei...

Mimo wszystko, jedynym majątkiem, który udało mi się zgromadzić, są właśnie spotkania z ciekawymi ludźmi. Poznałam tak interesujące osoby, że wspominanie czasu, jaki z nimi spędziłam mogłoby mi zająć resztę życia. Może dlatego, nawet jeśli kogoś tracę, potrafię spokojnie to przyjąć, bo wiem, że wspomnienia zostają i nadal dają radość; a w powstałą lukę zawsze wskakuje ktoś nowy. Ktoś, kto jest równie, jeśli nie bardziej, interesujący.

A uczucie miłości ulatuje najchętniej, najdalej, i przynosi mi to ulgę.

If I Rise - Dido & A. R. Rahman (From the movie "127 Hours")

a thing of beauty is a joy for ever
isn't it?
fingers crossed for A R Rahman to get a Golden Globe.

insightful remarks on women's role in islam

http://www.sayedammar.com/MUHARRAM%202010-11/muharram2010-11c

Try to listen to it, it will make you think.

Why a Muslim girl would want to become Miss America? What is free will?
Do we understand 'There's no compulsion in religion' in the right way?

Karbala, Imam Hussein and Mr Cogito

Whenever I think of Karbala I always have this special poem in my mind... suits perfectly well.

The Envoy of Mr Cogito
by Zbigniew Herbert

Go where those others went to the dark boundary
for the golden fleece of nothingness your last prize

go upright among those who are on their knees
among those with their backs turned and those toppled in the dust

you were saved not in order to live
you have little time you must give testimony

be courageous when the mind deceives you be courageous
in the final account only this is important

and let your helpless Anger be like the sea
whenever your hear the voice of the insulted and beaten

let you sister Scorn not leave you
for the informers executioners cowards - they will win
they will go to your funeral with relief will throw a lump
of earth
the woodborer will write your smoothed-over biography

and do not forgive truly it is not in your power
to forgive in the name of those betrayed at dawn

beware however of unnecessary pride
keep looking at your clown's face in the mirror
repeat: I was called - weren't there better ones than I

beware of dryness of heart love the morning spring
the bird with an unknown name the winter oak
light on a wall the splendour of the sky
they don't need your warm breath
they are there to say: no one will console you

be vigilant - when the light on the mountains gives the sign- arise and go
as long as blood turns in the breast your dark star

repeat old incantations of humanity fables and legends
because this is how you will attain the good you will not attain
repeat great words repeat them stubbornly
like those crossing the desert who perished in the sand

and they will reward you with what they have at hand
with the whip of laughter with murder on a garbage heap

go because only in this way you will be admitted to the company of cold skulls
to the company of your ancestors: Gilgamesh Hector Roland
the defenders of the kingdom without limit and the city of ashes

Be faithful Go


translated by John Carpenter & Bogdana Carpenter

Imam Ali - About Allah (God) - English subtitles

bo to sąsiad

Kilka dni temu z nieletnim dziecięciem w późnych godzinach nocnych oglądałam Resident Evil.
Dzięcię otrzymało niedawno glany i w niesamowity zachwyt tym obuwiem popadło. Teraz na każdym filmie lustruje stopy wszelakie na okoliczność występowania glanów.
-O! glany! glany!!! -woła dziecię. -A dlaczego ten pan ma glany?
-Bo to sąsiad- odpowiada zaspana matka niezdolna do podjęcia najmniejszego intelektualnego wysiłku.

I teraz mam - kiedykolwiek dziecię ujrzy glany, woła- SĄSIAD!!! Mamo, sąsiad! Ależ my mamy mnostwo sąsiadów. A jakich sławnych!
Tak to się ze mnie dziecię nabija.